Writing Your “I Hate You” Story
Let’s take a look at how to start to tell your sibling “I Hate You” story.
First, we would like you to practice a relaxing exercise for a few days. This technique will help you unwind and assist you in writing your story.
Find a place that is very private and where you feel comfortable. It could be your garden, a sheltered place in a favorite park or your bedroom—any place that is quiet and allows you to be contemplative. After you find this site, go there and sit quietly.
As everyone loosens up in different ways you need to choose an exercise that helps you personally. Some people walk, ride their bikes ( I do that), attend yoga ( me too) a mindfulness class ( me too), running, do needlepoint, knitting- whatever relaxes you. We have added a suggested relaxation technique for adults and kids in our book Mom Loves You Best, Forgiving and Forging Sibling Relationships, New Horizon Press
After you have practiced your relaxation technique, for about a week, you are ready to begin to tell your “I Hate You” story. First of all, bring a pen and paper and sit down in that private, comfortable place you chose. Make sure you are alone and have a surface to write on, like a book, desk or clipboard. Relax and try to clear your mind. Use the relaxing techniques you have practiced.
After you feel yourself unwind, go back through the past in your mind and recall that painful experience that involved you and your sibling. Hold out your unclenched hands, and slowly extend and relax your fingers, bring those painful events to the surface. As you recall the hurtful incident, pay attention to how you are feeling. Do your hands want to clench again in a fist? How is your breathing? Did it increase? Has your heartbeat sped up?
Now, take some more deep breaths, and pick up the pen and write down your painful story as you just recalled it. All you need is one or two paragraphs, but allow yourself to write more if you feel the need to do so. Like dreams you sometimes have before you awaken, if you write this down immediately, you can look at the I Hate You story later and start to figure out what it means.