Gen X parents- avoiding sibling misery in your family means spotting siblings who are victims and other siblings who victimizers right away.
Red flag number three to a sibling” “I Hate You” story is a child believes he or she is the victim and a sibling is the scoundrel. If one child feels like the helpless person, and the other sibling has all the power, this may lea decades later, to an “I Hate You” story.
Feeling like a victim can turn into a life-long pattern. Look at Ted and John .Older brother John put Ted on a stool, surrounded him by broken glass and left him to slash his feet open.
Ted perceived his brother as the scoundrel all his life, never understanding the circumstances around why John had gotten so angry that it led to Ted’s being injured.
Even though John never hurt Ted like that again, Ted grew up with an “I Hate You” story as their mother never got the bottom of why big brother John was frustrated enough to do something that hurtful. Ted became the perennial victim in all parts of his life. He had to enter counseling in midlife to learn how to speak up for himself. Ted joined Big Brothers and the Toastmasters Club to tug himself out of the victim role.
Give siblings the tools to use different ways to communicate anger and frustration, like words Listen to both side of each tale of woe. Use family meetings and go around as a formal way to hear both sides. s. Don’t rush into therapy, but deal with less serious issues yourself to step up to the plate as a parent so you will keep hitting that ball for your daughters and sons.