Gen X Parents- Spot Victims and Villains Among Your Kids Right Away

Gen X parents- avoiding sibling misery in your family  means spotting siblings who are victims and other siblings who victimizers right away.

Red flag number three  to a sibling” “I Hate You” story is a child believes he or she is the victim and a sibling is the scoundrel. If one child feels like the helpless person, and the other sibling has all the power, this may lea decades later, to an “I Hate You” story.

Feeling like a victim can turn into a life-long pattern. Look at Ted and John .Older brother John put Ted on a stool, surrounded him by broken glass and left him to slash his feet open.

Ted perceived his brother as the scoundrel all his life, never understanding the circumstances around why John had gotten so angry that it led to Ted’s being injured.

Even though John never hurt Ted like that again, Ted grew up with an “I Hate You” story as their mother never got the bottom of why big brother John was frustrated enough to do something that hurtful. Ted became the perennial victim in all parts of his life. He had to enter counseling in midlife to learn how to speak up for himself. Ted joined Big Brothers and the Toastmasters Club to tug himself out of the victim role.

Give siblings the tools to use different ways to communicate anger and frustration, like words Listen to both side of each tale of woe. Use family meetings and go around  as a formal way to hear both sides. s. Don’t rush into therapy, but deal with less serious issues yourself to step up to the plate as a parent so you will keep hitting that ball for your daughters and sons.


About momlovesyoubest

Cathy Cress holds an MSW in Aging from U.C. Berkeley. Her new book Mom Loves You Best, Forgiving and Forging Sibling Relationships , New Horizon Press, was published October 2010. Cress’s book , Handbook of Geriatric Care Management, Jones and Bartlett, is the bible of geriatric care management and is out out in a third edition in February 2011 .Her book Care Managers, Working With the Aging Family, Jones and Bartlett,2008 is one of the few major books on the aging family. Ms. Cress is the founder of GCM Consult ,working with small and national who want to add or launch GCM businesses. She is on the faculty at the University of Florida in their on line master’s in geriatric care management -GCM . She has taught geriatric care management at San Francisco State University , UC Berkeley and teaches at Cabrillo College and San Mateo College. She was founder and director of Cresscare, a GCM business, for 25 years.
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