Gen X Parents- Spot Blaming Sibs Right Away

Generation X parents want you young kids to grow up bonded to each other. Spot blaming,  Look for negative stories about one sibling by another that gets repeated over and over that may lead to a future “I Hate You” story. Remember red flag number one for “I Hate You” stories was these repeated stories.

Older sister Jinx blamed baby sister Snookie for ruining her social life because she couldn’t be on the iPhone or Facebook when she had to babysit the toddler. Through the counselor at her work and family program at her job, mom Glenda and dad Oscar were able to spot this blaming story and fix circumstances around Jinx having to baby-sit. They paid for emergency day care for Snookie to get Jinx out of babysitting. They also worked to get Jinx involved in the after-school drama group so she had supervised socialization. Many good outcomes were envisioned for this daughter by these parental changes. One outcome was that Jinx would not grow up with an “I Hate You” story about Snookie, the new special baby, the way that sibling Paula kept telling the story of “special Tammy” thirty-five years later.  As a parent you want to intercede when you hear this kind of sibling blame.

Stepsibling Roger told his mom, his teacher, his grandmother, and his grandfather all the same story, over and over. The tale was how he had to give up half of his room to Randy.

Although a heartbreaking story in itself, it is a red flag for a future “I Hate You” story. His mother Gayanne, Grandmother Janet, and new stepdad Amos heard the alarm bells of the repeated story, and although they could not build a new bedroom right away, they did many things to make Roger feel special and not broken in half like his room. Grandma Janet took him to her house after school. His parents got him after-school activities.

So spot blaming right away to crush “I Hate Your Stories “ before the grow like cancer in your  growing family.


About momlovesyoubest

Cathy Cress holds an MSW in Aging from U.C. Berkeley. Her new book Mom Loves You Best, Forgiving and Forging Sibling Relationships , New Horizon Press, was published October 2010. Cress’s book , Handbook of Geriatric Care Management, Jones and Bartlett, is the bible of geriatric care management and is out out in a third edition in February 2011 .Her book Care Managers, Working With the Aging Family, Jones and Bartlett,2008 is one of the few major books on the aging family. Ms. Cress is the founder of GCM Consult ,working with small and national who want to add or launch GCM businesses. She is on the faculty at the University of Florida in their on line master’s in geriatric care management -GCM . She has taught geriatric care management at San Francisco State University , UC Berkeley and teaches at Cabrillo College and San Mateo College. She was founder and director of Cresscare, a GCM business, for 25 years.
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