Sisters- The Most Golden Siblings

Sisters are the most golden siblings you can have. In times of trouble it is a sister you want at your side.

My daughter Jill just spent her third weekend down here in LA, where I have moved to

Sisters Kali and Jill -Care for the twins post birth- the golder bond of sisters.

help Jill’s sister Kali with her new twin boys, Dylan and Liam. This trip Jill stayed up all night (along with granddad Pete) so the parents could sleep the night. She helped them conceive a Google calendar for twin care for July, when we will move back to Santa Cruz.

Jill flew her own daughter down for a day, post Julia’s prom, to do some twin care as Julia will be a part time nanny her when she starts attending Santa Monica Community college. Kali cared for Julia all throughout high school. There was sister payback lovingly given by Jill, the wonderful older sibling.

In short, she did what sisters do- they do it all- for the rest of your life.

Well-being in midlife is greatly enhanced when you have a tighter sibling attachment. If two sisters have resolved their struggles, they have repaired more than their bond. Of all siblings, researchers report the greatest degree of intimacy and unconditional love among sisters.

Remember our six types of siblings  . If you have repaired the ropes between you and your sister, you have also forged the strongest friendship of any sibling pair.

Women are hardwired to share and support, just like my daughter Jill and Kali.  If you have mended your connection with your sister, you have strengthened the ties with a best friend. Women are the kin keepers of society. In middle age, they are most often the organizers of celebrations marking passages. You and your reconnected sister can support each other to put in order the myriad details of midlife rituals, like christenings, weddings, and retirement. Genealogy becomes more important in midlife as you reach back to find your roots. Sisters are frequently the creators of lineage charts, and together you can spend endless hours following the branches of the family tree.

Midlife men benefit from sisters as well. Researchers have found that men in middle years have a greater sense of psychological assurance if they have a sister. So if a brother and sister were estranged, a respliced bond allows that brother to be happier in middle and old age. Why is this true? Women have a deeper emotional landscape in their brains and naturally work together in groups. Having a sister creates a better chance for a brother to be brought into all the family activities of middle age, often orchestrated by sisters. All those midlife ceremonies usually have a sister as the event planner, and she will include the newly befriended brother in her plans.

If you have twins- have a sister. If you and your sister are alienated, think of forging forgiveness.  .You will need her- the rest of your life.

 

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About momlovesyoubest

Cathy Cress holds an MSW in Aging from U.C. Berkeley. Her new book Mom Loves You Best, Forgiving and Forging Sibling Relationships , New Horizon Press, was published October 2010. Cress’s book , Handbook of Geriatric Care Management, Jones and Bartlett, is the bible of geriatric care management and is out out in a third edition in February 2011 .Her book Care Managers, Working With the Aging Family, Jones and Bartlett,2008 is one of the few major books on the aging family. Ms. Cress is the founder of GCM Consult ,working with small and national who want to add or launch GCM businesses. She is on the faculty at the University of Florida in their on line master’s in geriatric care management -GCM . She has taught geriatric care management at San Francisco State University , UC Berkeley and teaches at Cabrillo College and San Mateo College. She was founder and director of Cresscare, a GCM business, for 25 years.
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One Response to Sisters- The Most Golden Siblings

  1. Anne Beggs says:

    I love this post. Of course you always have wise and knowledgeable posts, but this one really touches me as I have a close and solid relationship with my brother, but alas no ‘real’ sisters. I have been blessed with cousins and friends who have stepped in with the warmth and support needed.

    I’m trying a way to ‘share’ this on my facebook so other can not only benefit from the wisdom, but also be reminded of the joys of family and get a head’s up from me of my appreciation and gratitude.

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