Red Flags for a Sibling “I Hate You” Story Pre- Holiday Daze

Visiting elderly family members over the holidays can sometimes trigger old hurts that never healed. Perhaps you’re an adult child who doesn’t see your parents on a regular basis because there is “bad blood” between you and your mom or dad. Maybe you just don’t get together with your family on holidays so you can avoid seeing sisters and brothers who inflicted childhood wounds. The scar has built up over decades and you cringe at the pockmarks every time you look in the mirror. Maybe there just was not enough love in your rickety family nest. Your mom may not have been Clare Huxtable, on the Cosby Show.
Perhaps your father was downright abusive, your Mom a nutcase who left you in a sinking boat as a kid. Perhaps your brother was pushy or slugged you behind Mom’s back. Maybe you had sisters who got much the new prom dress when you did Goodwill. Divorce may have shattered that family nest like a hurricane leaving you with a dual life of two houses, two beds, two sets of parents, stepsiblings, left you a and a rudderless childhood.

There are many reasons why it  is a great time to consider absolution for your parents or siblings.
If you have a sibling ” I hate you story” –  this holiday season is a time when you might want to think about forgiveness.
But first take a look at the red flags below. Check out if you really have a sibling ” I Hate You” story.

Red Flag Number One

The first red flag you can see pointing to a sibling  “I Hate You” story is that you repeat this brother or sister story over and over again.

Red Flag Number Two

The second red flag you can see pointing to an “I Hate You” story is if something transpired in the story that you did not want to take place. In your story does something come to pass that you did not want to happen?

Red Flag Number Three

The third red flag pointing to an “I Hate You “ story is if you believe are the victim in the story and your sibling is the villain. You are the helpless person, and your sibling has all the power. Your “I Hate You” story not only makes you feel like the injured party but also allows other people who know you to see you as a victim.

Red Flag Number Four

The fourth red flag you can see pointing to an “I Hate You” story is if you think about this story repeatedly.

Red Flag Number Five

The fifth red flag you can see pointing to an “I Hate You “ story is based on types of sibling  If you are a listless, seething or irate sibling you may have an “I Hate You” story.

If any of these red flags point to you, there is a good chance you have a sibling” I Hate You “story. Before the holiday gathering of this coming two weeks, you might consider taking steps towards forgiveness  and letting this “ I Hate you” story go.

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About momlovesyoubest

Cathy Cress holds an MSW in Aging from U.C. Berkeley. Her new book Mom Loves You Best, Forgiving and Forging Sibling Relationships , New Horizon Press, was published October 2010. Cress’s book , Handbook of Geriatric Care Management, Jones and Bartlett, is the bible of geriatric care management and is out out in a third edition in February 2011 .Her book Care Managers, Working With the Aging Family, Jones and Bartlett,2008 is one of the few major books on the aging family. Ms. Cress is the founder of GCM Consult ,working with small and national who want to add or launch GCM businesses. She is on the faculty at the University of Florida in their on line master’s in geriatric care management -GCM . She has taught geriatric care management at San Francisco State University , UC Berkeley and teaches at Cabrillo College and San Mateo College. She was founder and director of Cresscare, a GCM business, for 25 years.
This entry was posted in Aging parent, brother, half siblings, Holiday with siblings, holidays, Parent, Step Siblings and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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