Do you need to have an Aging Parent Midlife Family Meeting Before the Next Hurricane/Disaster

Maybe a reason for midlife siblings to reengage is to make sure your aging parents are safe from disaster. Hurricane season is upon us. Alberto and Beryl hit BEFORE the start of season June 1. When Tropical storm Debbie amassed on June 23   it was the very first time four tropical storms formed before July since reliable records began in 1851.

After raging wildfires in Colorado this month, Katrina, Japan – we all need to be prepared. The elderly suffered the greatest loss in all three disasters because they cannot get out rapidly.

In the 3rd edition of my Handbook of Geriatric Care Managemen, Jones and Bartlett.  We have an updated dated chapter on geriatric care managers and home health agencies and other aging agencies dealing with disaster. We cover how to prepare clients and families through professionals visits and training and connection to local and federal disaster networks, how to prepare to have all systems /records go down during a disaster with back up and getting a sister agency somewhere else in the country that does not suffer the disaster who can help communicate with clients and families and what t do to evacuate keep safe and deal with clients during the disaster.  There are many checklists etc.

 

How to have that midlife family meeting and prepare a plan for your aging parents in a disaster is in my book Care Managers Working for the Aging Family, Jones and Bartlett.It gives you step y step how to set the family meeting up in real times or Skype or phone and how to get great result that will make your aging parents, all siblings and family members safe and happy.

I will have a new family meeting E Book coming out this summer. Keep checking my website

Plan ahead – disaster, all too true – is on the way.

Posted in Aging parent, family meeting, Jones and Bartlett, parentcare technology, sibling team, sisters | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Step Siblings, Blood Siblings- Will it Be a :Summer Family Reuinion or Family Meeting

Are you a step sibling or half sibling ? Did those step siblings who entered your life when Mom divorced Dad and married again, destroy your warm family nest? Maybe now it’s thirty years later and you still have major issues with them. Are you still angry with them for ruining your family, draining away your parent’s love, even though you know blaming them is easier than blaming Mom or your real Dad?

In fact are you really confused as to who exactly are your real Mom or Dad. With all these step and blood parents – where is your allegiance ?  Is the grown up  baby half -brother you always knew Mom favored instead of you is going to be at the summer family reunion, and you still say under your breath, Mom Loved You Best

Perhaps -not only that but now  do you find yourself with your own marriage-divorce and remarriage and resulting  acting out -angry – unhappy stepchildren?

You might try a midlife sibling family meeting. Using this tool, blood ,stepsiblings and half siblings in stepfamilies can  begin to deal with old or new wounds. The meeting can give them a place to speak openly about how each felt about the long ago or recent  destruction and reinvention of their original family and help them set goals to work together as a step family in the present and future.

I am working on an e book for family meeting that will be on my  web site   soon. Check it out and keep tuned for the e-book

Posted in adult sibling rivalry, dysfuntional family, extended family, family meeting, Holiday with siblings, Sibling Forgivenss, sibling rivalry, Step Siblings, summer family reunion | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Are You and Your Midlife Siblings Going to Spoil The Fourth of July Barbeque?

 

 

 

Celebration’s like today’s family Fourth of July barbeque or gathering are not time to discuss family /sibling problems. This is true especially if there is lots of alcohol involved.

When should you discuss sibling family tribulations?  – At a family meeting.

What is a family meeting?

A sibling family meeting is a conference held between family members to discuss a family problem, large or small.

A midlife sibling family meeting can be triggered by a parental care crisis, where midlife siblings have to instantly reunite.

 

Let’s look at an example of a sibling family meeting miserably prompted by an aging parents crisis.  The Tenderhook clan has never had a family meeting to talk about what they will do as a family if their aging Mom is hospitalized. The adult siblings have never even asked their Mom what she wants in that dire event.

All the sisters and brothers gets midnight call from oldest sister. Their elderly mother in hospital

They All fly in from all over the country and are exhausted and high on hospital junk food

The Dr. says she has to go to nursing home.

Mother refuses and begins to cry

The older sister, who has been the local sibling caregiver for five years, shrieks and blames all her siblings for not helping her.

Older brother tries to take charge and makes the decision to go with the doctor’s decision.

Youngest brother leaps next to Mom and says she will have anything she wants and can stay at home. He embraces Mom and says he will care for her.

Middle sister a storm out, saying she hates the older brother and he always takes over and makes the stupidest, meanest decisions.

The doctor throws up his hands and walks out and walks back in with the medical social worker/

Hospital social worker says they need a family meeting

 

A sibling family meeting is valuable to midlife siblings

What can it do?

1. Build critical tools for siblings being a team again

2.Open communication paths between sisters and brothers – You and sibling disagree about mother’s care

3.Unblock new or old barriers and wounds, so brothers and sisters can begin a healing process.

4. Siblings can make action plans with each other to move towards resolving new or old tribulations.

 

Next  blog- how to plan a family meeting .

My  new book e book to family meetings coming out in July on Amazon

Go to my web site

Professionals read my book Care Managers Working with the Aging Family  chapter by Rita Ghatack, Director of Aging Adult Services, Stanford Hospital  

 

Posted in Aging parent, brother, dysfuntional family, extended family, family meeting, Fourth of July, holidays, sibling rivalry, sibling team, sisters | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What Is a Sibling Family Meeting? Fast Flash Directions

Posted in brother, family meeting, half siblings, Parent, Sibling Forgivenss, sibling rivalry, sisters | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What is the Go Around Technique ?- A Great Tool for Kid family meetings

Generation X   parents with a trail of sibling scars in your own midlife family- want to make sure your own kids do not grow up with lasting brother or sister emotional or physical scars?

Attend to wounds right away, and be there to referee the fights because they will come up all the time. Show a respect for each point of view; listen to both sides. Schedule time with your kids to do this if you work. Have children engaged in after-school activities so they don’t come home and argue in an unsupervised environment.

Family meetings give parents an excellent tool to listen to both sides of a sibling argument. They provide a safe arena where you can impose rules about each person taking a turn to express his or her viewpoint. Parents can also set rules in the beginning about no interrupting so each child can say what he or she has to say without another child butting in. At the family meeting you can ask each sibling to share his or her concerns and use the  Go Around Technique. where each person at the meeting gets to respond to the topic. So if the Go Around topic was what happened this week that you didn’t like, and one sibling said something the other sibling did made him mad, the Go Around technique would give the other siblings a chance to respond in a really safe environment. You are listening to both sides of the issue.

 

In the family meeting held by Gen X parents Glenda and Oscar, they discuss how Jinx and Fess have been fighting after school. The two parents are given an opportunity to listen to both sides of the issue. Having to change all of Snookie’s diapers is daughter Jinx’s number one complaint. She says that Fess does not step up to the plate and help her. Preteen Fess says he hates changing diapers and he’s a boy anyway and that’s girls’ work. Besides he’s really embarrassed at looking at Snookie’s” pooey “ private parts. The parents realize that this argument can be resolved by their children and they have to fix the problem by relieving the kids from babysitting and making a backup child care plan for when Glenda has to stay overtime at work and her regular day care provider drops Snookie off.

 

What about kids who have seriously injured the other? Gayanne and Amos, respond to an incident where their kids get into such a pushing match on either side of a glass-paned door that Roger ends up with a bloody gash and is taken to the ER, as Ted was in the 1950s. But Amos and Gayanne deal with this serious situation by seeking counseling right away. This very scary incident between her two children prompted Gayanne to get her kids and the entire family to counseling. This tending to the wound right away set the stage for a positive outcome, so there would be no festering emotional injury, no “I Hate You” story, and no lifetime of blame between her two kids.

 

Posted in brother, family meeting, Go- Aound Technique, Parent, Raising your siblings, sibling team, sibling violence, sisters, young siblings | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Do you have kids/twins who are sick? Have a Sister

Is solace anywhere more comforting than in the arms of a sister?  ~Alice Walker

Last week my daughter Kali   twin son’s  came down with foot mouth and hand disease   Their nanny went to a family wedding in Maryland. Now one twin just came down with an ear infection last night. On top of that their dogs were both sprayed by skunks last night requiring bathing the animals in a noxious mixture to get rid of the smell. What to do? Have a sister.

My other daughter  ( who is Kali’s half sibling)flew  to LA last night to walk and soothe both babies (the twins have to be separated) and get up at night with Liam and Dylan so sister Kali could sleep.

 

Women are hardwired to share and support just like my daughter’s Jill and Kali.  If you have mended your connection with your sister, you have strengthened the ties with a best friend. Women are the kin keepers of society. In middle age, they are most often the organizers of celebrations marking passages, like Liam and Dylan’s first birthday.

 

You and your reconnected sister can support each other to put in order the myriad details of midlife rituals, like christenings, weddings, and retirement. Genealogy becomes more important in midlife as you reach back to find your roots. Sisters are frequently the creators of lineage charts, and together you can spend endless hours following the branches of the family tree.

Midlife men benefit from sisters as well. Researchers have found that men in middle years have a greater sense of psychological assurance if they have a sister. So if a brother and sister were estranged, a replaced bond allows that brother to be happier in middle and old age. Why is this true? Women have a deeper emotional landscape in their brains and naturally work together in groups. Having a sister creates a better chance for a brother to be brought into all the family activities of middle age, often orchestrated by sisters. All those midlife ceremonies usually have a sister as the event planner, and she will include the newly befriended brother in her plans.

 

If you have twins, have a sister. If you and your sister are alienated, think of forging forgiveness You will need her- the rest of you

 

Posted in Parent, Raising your siblings, sibling team, sisters, twins, young siblings | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Avoid Sibling Wars With Your Kids- Family Meetings

Want to avoid sibling wars with young kids in your family ? Listen to both sides.
Make sure kids don’t grow up with emotional or physical scars. Attend to wounds right away, and be there to referee the fights because they will come up all the time. Show a respect for each point of view; listen to both sides. Schedule time with your kids to do this if you work. Have children engaged in after-school activities so they don’t come home and argue in an unsupervised environment.
Family meetings are an excellent tool for letting you listen to both sides of a sibling argument. They provide a safe arena where you can impose rules about each person taking a turn to express his or her viewpoint. Parents can also set rules in the beginning about no interrupting so each child can say what he or she has to say without another child butting in. At the family meeting you can ask each sibling to share his or her concerns and use the Go Around technique where each person at the meeting gets to respond to the topic. So if the Go Around topic was what happened this week that you didn’t like, and one sibling said something the other sibling did made him mad, the Go Around technique would give the other siblings a chance to respond in a really safe environment. You are listening to both sides of the issue.

Posted in brother, family meeting, Parent, Raising your siblings, sibling rivalry, sibling team, Step Siblings, young siblings | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment