Are you a parent with twins or multiples?

 

 

Do you have twins or kids who are multiples ? Here are some tips, you really need Dad’s more and it is almost crucial to use extended family. I know. My daughter has 14 month old twin boys and I am in LA- well almost every month.

Find Out How to Have a Siblings Meeting with Kids on You Tube

Want to learn how to have a family meeting with kids. I tell you all about it on My You Tube Channel Mom Loves You Best  just for parents of young siblings .

Mom Loves You Best Now Out on Kindle

My book Mom Loves You Best Forgiving and Forging Sibling Relationships , New Horizon Press  is now out on Kindle. For $9.99 you can download it today .The bonds between siblings are the longest connections in our lives, and sibling relationships are among the most enduring ones we’ll ever have.

 

But for many this bond has not always been smooth — many of us are stuck with childhood memories of sibling conflict that have been festering for years. In Mom Loves You Best, two recognized experts on sibling relationships, my daughter Kali Cress Peterson and I, demonstrate how to move beyond the childhood strife, giving readers the tools to make forgiveness achievable through their prescriptive ten-step process. Readers not only forgive their siblings but also themselves as they let these ten straightforward steps guide them toward exoneration and improved feelings. A book that enables anyone to successfully repair family ties, Mom Loves You Best puts readers on the path to reconciliation and healthy adult relationships.

 

Stop Cain and Abel From Entering Your Family- Have Family Meetings with Kids

Want to avoid sibling wars with young kids in your family? Have a family meeting and listen to both sides.
Make sure kids don’t grow up with emotional or physical scars. Family meetings allow you to attend to sibling wounds right away, and be there to referee the sibling fights because they will come up all the time. They are especially helpful for blended families. There was never really a happy Brady Bunch. Stepchildren and half sibling need family meetings.

How to do this? Listen-Show a respect for each point of view; listen to both sides.

Schedule a kid sibling family meeting at the same time each week. Serve the food they love- even if it’s junk food.

Family meetings are an excellent tool to listen to both sides of a sibling argument. They provide a safe arena where you can impose rules about each person taking a turn to express his or her viewpoint. Parents can also set rules in the beginning about no interrupting so each child can say what he or she has to say without another child butting in. At the family meeting you can ask each sibling to share his or her concerns and use the Go Around technique http://childparenting.about.com/c/ht/00/07/How_Resolve_Family_Problems0962934089.htm where each person at the meeting gets to respond to the topic. So if the Go Around topic was what happened this week that you didn’t like, and one sibling said something the other sibling did made him mad, the Go Around technique would give the other siblings a chance to respond in a really safe environment. You are listening to both sides of the issue.

 

Check out my book Mom Love You Best Forgiving and Forging Sibling Relationships http://www.cathycress.com/. There is an entire section with 20 tips to raise healthy siblings. You can also visit my You Tube channel for those tips. .http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjwwbZZJ9Jc&list=UU1TCK0KL2A8BGOD4dynFgbg&index=10&feature=plcp

My New Family Meeting book will be out this summer. Check out my website at http://www.cathycress.com/ for the book.

What is a sibling?

Exactly what is a sibling. This seems so basic- we always think we know what a brother or sister is . But you would be surprised. It’s legal, social and blood. Here is more about exactly what a sibling is.

What Check List Do You Or Your Midlife siblings need during summer visit to aging parents?

 A midlife sibling summer visit to elderly parents visit to an older Dad or Mom  can be sweet or it can be scary.  You might go for the family reunion with your midlife siblings, week at the family summer home with or without your midlife siblings, take the young siblings to see your hometown or any holiday visit.

 

The frightening part often happens when you haven’t seen an aging parents for a while. If you live long distance, making an occasional visit can set off alarms, especially if find your aging Mom or Dad has gone down hill.

Here is a checklist to take with you, on your summer visit I have given you ten red flags to watch for when you spend time with aging parents. This means you may have to get out your magnifying glass, like Sherlock Holmes, and really look for clues.

➢ Curb Appeal – Does your Dad’s home look more like an unmaintained rental? Is there disrepair, a weedy yard, uncleaned carpets or furniture?
➢ Housekeeping – Are there dirty dishes, unwashed sheets, a mess where things used to be tidy? Does the house look like it needs a scrubbing, or at least someone to help with cleaning?
➢ Medication – Can you find a stash of outdated medication in the bathroom, bedroom or anywhere?
➢ Driving – Is driving with your older Dad frightening? Ask him to drive you somewhere. How is his reaction time, or judgment? Can he drive at night? Does he have traffic tickets? Assess the car. Is it worse for wear, dented or are there telltale signs of accidents?
➢ Trash- Are there bags of trash in the basement or out back? Look in closets.
➢ Collections- Are there growing collections that appear to be out of control, of newspapers, magazines, old sports memorabilia, ashtrays – any accumulation that appears to be taking over space and looks excessive. This is a sign of hoarding
➢ Shopping- Take him out shopping or out to a meal to celebrate the day. When he does shopping or pays for a meal, does he have problems with checks, credit cards, figuring tips, or calculating discounts? Does he forget his wallet or other important personal items he should have with him?
➢ Change in Behavior- Is Dad quiet when he used to be loud? Is he paranoid, having mood swings, unsocial when he used to be the belle of the ball or life of the party?
➢ Odors- Did you smell urine? Must? Mildew? Dirty clothes or dishes?
➢ Refrigerator- Are there science experiments, aka moldy food in the refrigerator?

If any of these clues turn up trouble, you need talk your midlife siblings about the problems you have discovered and set up a family meeting via Skype, in person or a family conference call.  ( see my last blog)

 

Talk to Mom and Dad, the subject of my next blog.

 

You may also need to call geriatric care manager

for help. They are experts in solving problems with aging parents.

 

Midlife Sibling Family Disaster plan- Agenda for Family Meeting

The heat wave disaster  this week should tell you that you need aging family meeting about any aging family members in the Midwest or east coast. You need a disaster plan because older people are more likely to die in heat wave disasters like the broiling  one this week.

What would be the agenda of that disaster family meeting?

1) Create a disaster plan for the older person. This map out what each sibling and family member needs to do

2) Create a disaster team. This would be all adult siblings all over the country, family nearby, caregivers and neighbors.

Share your disaster plan with everyone. “ If the temp goes over 90 – do ___________

Include someone on the team who can carry heavy objects like wheelchairs

Name a substitute caregiver if the regular one can’t get there

3) Make an evacuation plan. Where is the nearest shelter, what supplies?

 

do you have on hand? Get list from your local Red Cross

How many people do you need to make the move to safety?

4) Put all of the above in writing.  E-mail copies to everyone on the family disaster team including all adult siblings.

5) Get everyone’s agreement especially midlife siblings and the older person.

For more information, the University of Florida, Home of Disaster filled hurricanes has a great set of directions.

6) Call a geriatric care manager  to manage the plan if you live long distance

Professionals check out the chapter in my Handbook of Geriatric Care Management third edition, on Disaster planning

Professional s Check out my book Care Managers Working With the Aging Family,  Jones and Bartlett, with it’s chapter on  Family Meetings and the Aging Family

My new e book on family meeting will be out this month. Check my web site , for details.

Do you need to have an Aging Parent Midlife Family Meeting Before the Next Hurricane/Disaster

Maybe a reason for midlife siblings to reengage is to make sure your aging parents are safe from disaster. Hurricane season is upon us. Alberto and Beryl hit BEFORE the start of season June 1. When Tropical storm Debbie amassed on June 23   it was the very first time four tropical storms formed before July since reliable records began in 1851.

After raging wildfires in Colorado this month, Katrina, Japan – we all need to be prepared. The elderly suffered the greatest loss in all three disasters because they cannot get out rapidly.

In the 3rd edition of my Handbook of Geriatric Care Managemen, Jones and Bartlett.  We have an updated dated chapter on geriatric care managers and home health agencies and other aging agencies dealing with disaster. We cover how to prepare clients and families through professionals visits and training and connection to local and federal disaster networks, how to prepare to have all systems /records go down during a disaster with back up and getting a sister agency somewhere else in the country that does not suffer the disaster who can help communicate with clients and families and what t do to evacuate keep safe and deal with clients during the disaster.  There are many checklists etc.

 

How to have that midlife family meeting and prepare a plan for your aging parents in a disaster is in my book Care Managers Working for the Aging Family, Jones and Bartlett.It gives you step y step how to set the family meeting up in real times or Skype or phone and how to get great result that will make your aging parents, all siblings and family members safe and happy.

I will have a new family meeting E Book coming out this summer. Keep checking my website

Plan ahead – disaster, all too true – is on the way.

Step Siblings, Blood Siblings- Will it Be a :Summer Family Reuinion or Family Meeting

Are you a step sibling or half sibling ? Did those step siblings who entered your life when Mom divorced Dad and married again, destroy your warm family nest? Maybe now it’s thirty years later and you still have major issues with them. Are you still angry with them for ruining your family, draining away your parent’s love, even though you know blaming them is easier than blaming Mom or your real Dad?

In fact are you really confused as to who exactly are your real Mom or Dad. With all these step and blood parents – where is your allegiance ?  Is the grown up  baby half -brother you always knew Mom favored instead of you is going to be at the summer family reunion, and you still say under your breath, Mom Loved You Best

Perhaps -not only that but now  do you find yourself with your own marriage-divorce and remarriage and resulting  acting out -angry – unhappy stepchildren?

You might try a midlife sibling family meeting. Using this tool, blood ,stepsiblings and half siblings in stepfamilies can  begin to deal with old or new wounds. The meeting can give them a place to speak openly about how each felt about the long ago or recent  destruction and reinvention of their original family and help them set goals to work together as a step family in the present and future.

I am working on an e book for family meeting that will be on my  web site   soon. Check it out and keep tuned for the e-book

Are You and Your Midlife Siblings Going to Spoil The Fourth of July Barbeque?

 

 

 

Celebration’s like today’s family Fourth of July barbeque or gathering are not time to discuss family /sibling problems. This is true especially if there is lots of alcohol involved.

When should you discuss sibling family tribulations?  – At a family meeting.

What is a family meeting?

A sibling family meeting is a conference held between family members to discuss a family problem, large or small.

A midlife sibling family meeting can be triggered by a parental care crisis, where midlife siblings have to instantly reunite.

 

Let’s look at an example of a sibling family meeting miserably prompted by an aging parents crisis.  The Tenderhook clan has never had a family meeting to talk about what they will do as a family if their aging Mom is hospitalized. The adult siblings have never even asked their Mom what she wants in that dire event.

All the sisters and brothers gets midnight call from oldest sister. Their elderly mother in hospital

They All fly in from all over the country and are exhausted and high on hospital junk food

The Dr. says she has to go to nursing home.

Mother refuses and begins to cry

The older sister, who has been the local sibling caregiver for five years, shrieks and blames all her siblings for not helping her.

Older brother tries to take charge and makes the decision to go with the doctor’s decision.

Youngest brother leaps next to Mom and says she will have anything she wants and can stay at home. He embraces Mom and says he will care for her.

Middle sister a storm out, saying she hates the older brother and he always takes over and makes the stupidest, meanest decisions.

The doctor throws up his hands and walks out and walks back in with the medical social worker/

Hospital social worker says they need a family meeting

 

A sibling family meeting is valuable to midlife siblings

What can it do?

1. Build critical tools for siblings being a team again

2.Open communication paths between sisters and brothers – You and sibling disagree about mother’s care

3.Unblock new or old barriers and wounds, so brothers and sisters can begin a healing process.

4. Siblings can make action plans with each other to move towards resolving new or old tribulations.

 

Next  blog- how to plan a family meeting .

My  new book e book to family meetings coming out in July on Amazon

Go to my web site

Professionals read my book Care Managers Working with the Aging Family  chapter by Rita Ghatack, Director of Aging Adult Services, Stanford Hospital